Momentary Meltdown (A standard part of marriage?)

Every 3-4 months I have a minor emotional meltdown and consider sending Gary (and the difficulties of marriage) packing back to VA in lieu of my free-er, easier life back in Florida. (These only last for one night.) The reason is usually that I miss my friends and family and I don't have a lot of friends here in NC, especially not like my best friends. Essentially, I'm not getting enough quality relationship time. Now, if you've ever been through The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, you know that quality time is one of the languages, but if has two subgroups. Gary and I lucked out in that we have the same love language. The only problem is that, we "speak different dialects." My quality time requires conversation, while his simply requires time together (attention and conversation not necessary.)

Three nights ago, I had my meltdown, so Gary has spent these last two nights "showing me off." We went to a flower shop on Thursday and looked around for a while, not really intending to buy anything. (Have you seen the prices????) We eventually found a little cooler tucked in a corner that had loose flowers for sale. We perused them for a little while, appreciating the snap dragons and chrysanthemums in each window until we got to the last window and saw these beautiful, delicate, pink Gerbera daisies. Of course he bought them for me! I also happened to get a yellow rose for Sophie, but she hasn't even said thank you or anything! (we're not living together this week, so it requires a text.) After that, he took me out to Mellow Mushroom and of course we sat side by side in the booth, and he only got his iPhone once, to show me something. After that, he had a band practice with some guys he used to play with. I went to listen to them beucase I've really missed hearing him play! It was so fun, I crocheted (a baby blanket for my big sissy!) while he was playing. Overall, a very emotionally fulfilling night. :)

Last night, we also spent being together "on purpose." We started out by picking a movie to watch on Netflix (he let me pick!) then we went out for dinner again (again, we're not at our house and we ran out of food last night. We never eat out twice a week, let alone two nights in a row!). We went to East Coast Wings because we are both big fans of wings. My favorite place is Ken's Wing House in Orlando, but unfortunately not any place I would ever want to take my husband. (Think about other famous wing places.... yeah.) However, apparently great wings and objectifying women are a combo deal, as we weren't wowed by these wings. The sauce was good, but they were too hot to eat! Too hot is not normally a problem for restaurant food, but when you're eating chicken off a bone, it gets even hotter on the inside. The service wasn't fabulous either, but overall we got what we came for (food!), so we went home for our movie. We watched Vanity Fair, with Reese Witherspoon. It was weird, vague movie. Gary said he read that it was a book-to-movie type thing that had been rejected in the past because it would need to be three hours to be any good. Well, apparently they were right. I was having to explain things to Gary the whole way (I'm a bit more exposed to period movies so I could pick up things more easily.) and overall it felt like a really underdeveloped story. I always wondered what it would be like to watch the movie and not have read the book, would it be confusing? (I especially thought that about the "new" Jane Eyre!). Apparently it is very confusing! Anyway, I may read the book sometime. We ended the night by taking a shower (we don't have a shower at our house, so we've been really enjoying that!) and cuddling up in bed. Happy Emily :)

I guess the point of this is, do you other married people have emotional meltdowns? Or, you other recently-moved-from-friends-and-family people, do you have emotional meltdowns?

P.S. Just to keep my accountable, I'll be back on Wednesday!

Why my blogs suck.

I've had a blog for a long time on LiveJournal (Thank you, Kristin!). I haven't kept up with that blog in about 4 years, even though the whole time I've been kinda "gee, I want to write a blog, I wish I had a blog, etc." I realized that the reason I don't have a blog is because I don't have anything to write about! My life isn't adventurous, it's just life. I wake up, I eat breakfast, I go to work, and so on. I don't have a lot of motivation to do anything at all, either. I've always had this idea in my head that other people live adventurous lives and I just live a nothing life. This comes a lot from reading other blogs about peoples lives and they sound so awesome and fun and eventful and fabulous! And I realized that's because they don't write about mundane things!

Who would sit here and tell you "I washed the laundry, and then dried it. Then I folded the socks, and I sorted the underwear, and I mended a hole..."? It's a blog, you get to be selective about what you write, so of course no one is going to write boring things. Also, a lot of these bloggers have blogging/life to-do lists that they post publicly, so I think that's something I have to do to. SO, here is a list.

April To Do
1. Write a list of potential blogging ideas.
Most of my problem is that I don't know what I'm going to write and thus can't plan. If I want to share a recipe that I've recently tried, I should remember to take pictures so that I can post them. If I'm going on an adventure, I need to make an effort to remember what we do when and things that would be interesting to share.

2. Update my blog twice a week.
Surely I can come up with something to say twice a week. In real life, I talk non stop! I just need to translate it to text.

3. Research a juice fast and raw food diet.
The juice fast is something I saw on another blog and I'm interested in trying it. My parents have begun juicing recently and it's just coming up more and more in my life. I watched a documentary on it about 4-6 months ago (Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead) and my interest is piqued. The Raw Food thing is the result of another documentary I watched with Gary and Sophie called "FoodMatters". (Thank you, Netflix!) It's mostly about vitamins and medicine, but there is a guy who really advocates a Raw Food diet and the three of us are equally interested in it. Since it goes hand in hand with a juice fast, I think we're going to be making a trip to the farmers market soon. Maybe I'll take pictures and share that with you!

4. Do things worthy of blog posts.
Pretty self explanatory. Stop sitting on your butt and live a life.

That is the end of my fabulous to do list. I will be back Saturday to let you know how things are going. I'm setting a reminder on my phone now!

Life After The Cruise

Well, back to normal life. A cruise is an incredible vacation, but when you come back, there are plenty of consequences to deal with. For example, I'm still getting dizzy spells and feeling the "boat" move under my feet. Another consequence is your eating habits have changed. Thanks to room service, 24-hour pizza, free fro-yo, and 6 buffet lines, not to mention breakfast, lunch, tea, and dinner in the dining room, I am used to eating every 2-3 hours. So yesterday, we ate breakfast at 8:30 and right on cue, I was hungry at 11. I put off eating until 12 but wouldn't you know it, I was hungry again at 2:30... Again, I put off eating because I know that's the only way I'll remind my body WHEN it normally eats. I had supper around 9 (I was really busy after I got home). This morning, I'm feeling much more normal, I ate breakfast at my standard time (7:30-8ish) and have get to feel my tummy gurgle. Yey! The reason I bring this up is because I gained about 5 pounds last week on my cruise. Now, to a small girl, 5 pounds is the difference between clothes fitting or not. To a "puffy" girl, 5 pounds can easily get lost somewhere on my body and go unnoticed.

Unfortunately, it seems I've been letting those 5 lbs. get lost a lot in the last two years. Thanks to fitday recording my weight for me, I have been faced with the harsh fact that 2 years ago, I weighed 25 lbs. less. Before college I weighed 40 pounds less. That is an embarrassing thing to admit, that I've gained 40 pounds in 3.5 years. So, folks, I'm sick of it.

Let me take a moment to say this has nothing to do with body image. Thanks to a husband who thinks I'm the sexiest thing in the world, I have a better body image than I've ever had before. I FEEL great about how I look, but I know that I'm fooling myself. Gary took a video of me playing mini-golf this week and as I watched it I was embarrassed. I've always been told that I carry my weight well and part of that is that I wear clothing that fits me. However, in this video I was wearing jeans and a hoodie and I looked HUGE. I didn't like the way I moved like a fat person when I chased my ball, or the way my chin doubled when I looked down at the ball. I realized that everyone else knew I was a puffer except me. I'm the last person to acknowledge it. So, here I am acknowledging the facts.

My name is Emily Fields.
I am 5'9".
I weigh 210lbs.
My BMI is 30.73.
I am sick of my weight.
I will lose 40 pounds in the next 6 months. (By May 21st, 2012)


Don't lecture me about that being unhealthy. It's not. That is less than 2 lbs. a week, which is a perfectly acceptable rate. I'm going to achieve this goal by eating better and taking advantage of my free membership at the YWCA. I'll be posting my weekly meal plans on here too, so you can be confident that I'm not starving myself. And, I'm not going to send away to Mexico for a tapeworm, so calm down. I can count a dozen people I know personally who have last large amounts of weight lately simply because they changed their diet and began to exercise. You've just gotta be sick of it I guess!

Emily New.0

About 2 months ago, I looked at myself and decided I don't like who I am. There are a lot of things about myself that need work. So, I looked at those areas of my life and honestly acknowledged where I am, and thought clearly about where I would rather be. Most of that included listing women whom I would like to be like in certain areas. After I decided where I am and where I want to be, I came up with a path to achieve those things. This is pretty detailed so, prepare yourself. Also, the women I have listed, I may or may not know very well. This is just my perception of them that they display the quality I want. You'll also notice that I draw from a specific handful of women who I look up to... One last note, the "Kristen" that I mention is a lady who's blog I read regularly.

What I am...
Messy Sloppy Stubborn Uncommitted Lazy Wasteful Rude A Mess Selfish Lazy Wasteful Narrowly Read Maladjusted Dysfunctionally Creative Casual Friend
Each of these adjectives relates to a specific area of my life, specifically in the "What I want to be" section. So, here comes that.

What I want to be (& examples)
Organized (Kristen, Michelle Bolin, Katie Pafford)
A Good Housekeeper (Beth Krivsky, Katie Pafford, Michele Fields)
Meek (Beth Krivsky, Michelle Bolin, Katie Pafford)
Student of the Word (Lisa and Katie Pafford)
Careful about food (Katie Pafford Erin Sullivan)
Poised (Rebbecca Bottoms, Katie Pafford)
A Servant (Grace Stewart, Michelle Bolin, Katie Pafford)
Active (Kristen, Beth Krivsky, Katie Pafford)
Frugal (Kristen, Lisa and Katie Pafford)
Well-Read (Bethany Seymour, Rebbecca Bottoms)
Content (Beth Krivsky, Kristen, Katie Pafford)
Creative and productive (Janet Skiles, Kate Newkirk, Brittany Prawat Erin Sullivan)
Mentor (Janet Skiles, Lisa Pafford)

My next category is the specifics. When I say I want to be meek, what does that entail? Specifically, this is what I want to achieve in each category.

What do I mean?
Organized
-Timely
-Everything Sorted
-Scheduled
-Finish Projects
-Know where things are

A Good Housekeeper
-Clean Counters
-House always presentable
-Make a clean home my priority
-Made beds
-Smells good

Meek
-Submissive to Gary
- In control of my emotions
-Humble

Student of the Word
-Bible Study is a priority
- In-depth (greek, etc)
-Keep notebooks
-Memorize Scripture

Careful about Food
-Healthy Food
- Put food away, not waseful
- Be aware of food costs

Poised
- Gracious
- Pulled together, always presentable
- Kind
- Confident, but meek

Servant
- Selfless
- Generous
- Broken over sin (my own and others)

Active
-Healthy
-Choose walking over TV
-Lower resting heart rate
-Work out daily

Frugal
- Aware of money and expenses
- Save over spend
- Only buy what we need and will use

Well-Read
-Read Classics
-Lots of Genres
-Have an opinion

Content
-Not worrying
-Satisfied but not stagnant
-Joyful

Creative and Productive
-Lean new skills
-Help support my family
-Finish projects
-Make a paper craft schedule

Mentor
-Worthy of teaching others
-Humbly point to God
-Know when to speak and when to listen
-Give Godly counsel
-Teach new things
-Remain fresh
-Have a teachable heart
-Know when to extend mercy and when to be bold.



All of that is on the first page. I have a second page labeled "How to Become:" which is not fully full. It will become more completely completed in the very near future hopefully. I'll give you what I have. I started with the areas that are most important to me or most pressing.

How to Become:
Organized: Make a schedule every evening. Keep a running to-do list on the fridge and phone. Write down school assignments in planner, even homework. Begin organizing house. Buy organizing supplies (tubs, labels, etc)
A Good Housekeeper: Take dishes to sink when finished. Make bed everyday. Wash dishes every night before bed. Organize living room every day, before or after work. Invest in Thai Dragon Fruit plug ins (I LOVE this scent. yummmmm.) Clean up dinner mess promptly. Wash bathroom sink weekly. Mop kitchen floor Monday and Friday mornings. Declutter house. Streamline posessions.
Active: Prepare workout routine. Explore South Park with Sophie (A park that is in our neighborhood. I've done this and it's a pretty lame park, but it was on the original list, so I kept it in.) Find my resting heart rate and lower it. Limit TV to 90 minutes or 1 movie a day.
Well-Read: Find or make list of 100 necessary books. Make book reading schedule and FOLLOW IT! Read in the evening vs. watching tv. Think critically about the books read and the ideas presented in them and form opinions.
Creative and Productive: Find projects that I want to do and make a list. Schedule when to do projects and how long it should take. Decide who projects will be for and pray for that person while working. Do projects while watching TV. Place finished gift projects in the gift box. (That's part of my organizing, I have a box of gifts so whenever I need a present ASAP, I look through the box and find one that is appropriate.)


Well folks, there you have it. 15 pages about my present and future. Lol, The first post had to be long, don't expect this again. Also, in case you were wondering, Katie Pafford is one of my closest friends. She is much more dedicated to becoming an awesome person than I am, which is why she is on virtually every one of my virtues. I've spent 12.5 years in a sister type relationship with her and have been able to see her heart up close. She's just a normal person, she is lazy sometimes and can be mean and upset/bitter, but I think more than anything what I'm after is her attitude. More often than not, she chooses to be a servant to God and men, and a lot of these things stem out of having a servants heart. If you are lucky enough to know her, then you are pretty dang lucky, yall.

Okay bye yall. Come back now, ya hear?